Can you find out if you’ve been posted on Are We Dating the Same Guy?
There is no official tool to search the “Are We Dating the Same Guy” groups, because they are private and members-only. But you can often find out indirectly — through screenshots shared by others, mutual connections, a sudden change in how matches respond to you, or a reputation service that scans for mentions of your name. Here is how to check, and what to do next.
What “Are We Dating the Same Guy” actually is
“Are We Dating the Same Guy” refers to a network of private, women-only Facebook groups organized by city and region. Members use them to share information and warnings about men they have dated, matched with, or encountered on dating apps. The larger city groups have tens of thousands of members. Posts range from simple questions (“does anyone know this person?”) to detailed accounts and serious allegations.
Because the groups are closed, the people being discussed usually cannot see what is written about them — which is exactly why so many only find out by accident.
Why it is hard to check directly
A few things make these groups difficult to search from the outside:
– They are private. You cannot browse the content or search your own name unless you are an approved member.
– They are gender-restricted. Membership is limited, so most people who are posted have no way in.
– Posts stay walled off. Even when screenshots circulate, the original posts remain inside the group.
This combination means there is no simple “search box” to check whether you have been mentioned.
Signs you may have been posted
You will not always get a clear signal, but these are common ones:
– Matches or dates suddenly stop responding without explanation.
– Someone mentions having “seen something” about you online.
– A friend or acquaintance forwards you a screenshot.
– A date references details about your dating history that they could not have known otherwise.
None of these confirm a post on its own, but together they can be a reason to look closer.
Legitimate ways to find out
If you want to check, stick to approaches that do not put you at risk:
– Ask trusted mutual connections. If you know someone who may be a member, you can ask them — without pressuring anyone.
– Search publicly. Try your name, your city, and “are we dating the same guy” in Google. Screenshots are sometimes reposted on other public platforms.
– Use a reputation service. A professional service can scan for mentions of your name across platforms and set up ongoing monitoring so you are alerted to new activity rather than finding out by chance.
What you cannot do
It is worth being clear about the limits. You cannot force the group to tell you whether you have been posted, and you cannot access a private group you are not eligible to join. Creating a fake profile to get inside violates Facebook’s terms of service and can make your situation worse — so it is not a route we recommend.
What to do if you find a post about you
If you do confirm that something has been written about you, the most important first step is to stay calm and avoid contacting the person who posted. Document what you find — screenshots, the date, and where it appears — and then review your options. We cover those in detail in our guide on how to get the post removed.
If you would rather not navigate this alone, you can speak with our team about checking for mentions and understanding what can be done.
*This article is for general information only and is not legal advice. For guidance on your specific situation, consult a qualified attorney.*
Is there a way to search Are We Dating the Same Guy for my name?
There is no official search tool, because the groups are private and members-only. You can sometimes find out indirectly through mutual connections, public screenshots, or a reputation service that monitors for mentions of your name.
Can I just join the group to check?
The groups are women-only and private, so most people cannot join. Creating a fake profile to get inside violates Facebook’s terms of service and can make matters worse, so it is not advisable.
What should I do if I find a post about me?
Avoid contacting the person who posted. Document the post with screenshots and dates, then review your options for reporting or removal, or speak with a professional reputation service.
Can someone tell me who posted about me?
Posters are usually anonymous to the people they discuss, and there is no guaranteed way to identify them. In some cases legal processes may apply, so it is best to consult a qualified attorney.
